I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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