And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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