Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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