Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
