She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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