Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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