I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
