We're facebook friends in real life
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
