He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the condom got lost in my hair
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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