He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
