So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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