No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
