East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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