I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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