chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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