Whod you bang
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
