Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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