she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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