But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
