you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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