I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
