no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
