I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
