I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
