who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
