Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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