Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's never too late to be topless.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
