good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize