I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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