I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
