True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
