are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
