he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
