Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
