i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize