I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
