best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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