If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
