On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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