and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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