My hand turned me down
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
