Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
