You just made me feel so damn special
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
