Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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