true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
