When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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