i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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