bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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