forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
