do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
