i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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