he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
