Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
