I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
