im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've blown a few things in my day
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
