Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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