i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is Oprah even human
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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