I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
