Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
