OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
