There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
