i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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