it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
