My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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