Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
