Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
