She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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