census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize