she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
