Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize