dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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