6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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