How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
