So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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