Did you just see the Batmobile???
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We are all done wearing pants today
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
