is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
