OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
