This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
