He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
