i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
