i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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