Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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