Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
jump out the window naked night went bad
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
