You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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