Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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