I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
