He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
